Life

Today I write about life.  Not sure where this will go but feel like i need to write down my thoughts.  I am a woman of strong faith.  I believe in the good.  People are good and given hard circumstances that make life harder to be good. I see everyone as a person good and bad.  I do not know their situation, or what just happened, I just know that they are in front of me for some reason and I should be nice.  Now I know I try hard to do this but I miss the mark more than I would like.  I have no regrets in my life just decisions I would do differently.  The people I have the hardest time with this are the ones I am closest to.  Phil and Dora see my ugly more than they should.  It is my wish that they would see it the least.  But I know with deep love comes deep hurt of all kinds.  My passion for family and work so often conflict that I miss the little moments.  It is a cross I bear and hope to find the right way to carry it.  I wish I knew the answers to All of Dora's questions of life.  I wish I knew how to be more understanding to Phil.  As I struggle with my crosses I know of all the great blessings in my life that have helped me on my journey.  I have a wonderfully supportive family who always know when I need a hug.  I have a handsome husband that gets me for me.  He knows when I say I will be home at 5 it will most likely be 6.  I have a daughter who brightens the world with every smile and song.  She has a kindness in her that astounds me.  The other day as we were driving and the very pregnant teen had a bare belly.  I just gasped and Dora's response was "Momma she just needs to keep her baby cool". She sees the good.  I try to come up with ways to help her grow into a good person and she teaches me so much more.  I have a practice that is so challenging and fun I never know what the next day brings.  I love the way I get to touch people's lives and help them to learn the best ways for them and their families.  So I wonder why do I feel the conflict I know I have the good.  I know I have the love. So why do I question my place?  It is not really questioning, just wondering where my current path is going.  I have learned that it all God's plan, I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride as we go.  But my current path isn't clear.  I have learned to trust that the path will take me where I need to go, but sure wish I knew what direction it was going.  I have family goals and work goals.  This isn't that kind of conflict.  More of a where do I fit in the world, am I really doing the best I can to be good? I think so, but then comes an inner conflict.   God I need a sign.  Last time I asked for a sign I got a Steven Curtis Chapman concert, a simpsons episode on adoption and a patient who was in the middle of an adoption.  2 years later Dora was handed to us.  I know I need to listen.  Thanks for listening.